Vampire Awareness Commentary Part 4

2 Aug

This is the next-to-last crop. If you’re seeing this, WordPress fulfilled its promise to post this on time. Thank you, WordPress, for– functioning, I guess. I apologize for any slowness this week on blog-reading and emails, but we have company just now, and I’m probably detained with a martini somewhere. It’s a hard life.

So here we have an excellent selection of Vampire Awareness month movies for our lovable bloodsucking hosts Gianni and Liam to enjoy: Cronos, Interview with the Vampire, and Shadow of the Vampire. What’s not to love? Well, I’m sure they’ll find something, but I liked them all. Mild spoilers on the first two, but nothing major.

[If you’re new to this idiotic exercise and actually want to know what the hell is going on, please see the first for an intro.]

CRONOS – Guillermo del Toro – 1993 (Federico Luppi, Ron Perlman, Claudio Brook)

Ever get so drunk you woke up licking blood off the bathroom floor? (DO NOT WANT.)

Ever get so drunk you woke up licking blood off the bathroom floor? (DO NOT WANT.)

Gianni: Little girls are intensely creepy.
Liam: Yeah. You know what else is creepy? Purple peel-off skin. In the best way possible.
Gianni: I liked the insect angle, but the alchemy one* was brilliant.
Liam: Thumbs up for Del Toro on that one.
Gianni: The movie was a little slow, but rather good over all.
Liam: I would’ve liked it more if the end hadn’t deteriorated into classic bad movie decision making there in the end. “Hey, these guys want to kill me, I think I’ll take my creepy but affectionate granddaughter into their abandoned warehouse with me!”
Gianni: Fortunately she was more capable than he. And now she’ll haunt my dreams for days.

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE – Neil Jordan – 1994 (Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Kirsten Dunst)

This would taste like shit. But Lestat gets mad style points for it anyhow.

This would taste like shit. But Lestat gets mad style points for it anyhow.

Liam: Well, Neil Jordan, you succeeded. That was definitely a movie about the saddest vampires I’ve ever seen, as promised.
Gianni: In so many ways.
Liam: It’s cool, though. It’s a good story, Claudia is amazing–
Gianni: Less creepy than the little Cronos girl, anyhow.
Liam: –and Lestat’s hilarious. Plus– fire!
Gianni: It was pretty, but almost painfully tedious. All that mooning and Lestat and Louis didn’t even fuck.
Liam: Her vampires don’t fuck. Well, I think they can, but it doesn’t, er, do them any good.
Gianni: Christ, that’s appalling. I almost feel bad for mocking Louis, now. Poor man.
Liam: Almost.

SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE – E. Elias Merhige – 2000 (John Malkovich, Willem Dafoe, Udo Kier)

Let's face it: Eddie Izzard looks too good in makeup NOT to have played a prima donna silent film actor.

Eddie Izzard looks too good in makeup NOT to have played a prima donna silent film actor.

Liam: I’m going to find a Nosferatu coat. Unless it means I have to go into Hot Topic. In which case I’ll do without.
Gianni: Anyhow, it would defeat the point of being so pretty; people would see it coming. You’d have to chase them down.
Liam: Hell yeah. –wait, did you mean that to sound like a bad thing?
Gianni: Adorable, Liam. I enjoyed this movie. German cinema is always fascinating, and I don’t know how Willem Dafoe manages to be so over the top but so sympathetic at the same time. Someone should change him and preserve his genius.
Liam: I’d say that about Malkovich’s inherent crazy, too, but he’d probably bite me first.
Gianni: Did you mean that to sound like a bad thing?

They’ll wrap it up next time with 30 Days of Night (which I will be reviewing for the official VAM blog. Yay!), Let the Right One In, and Twilight. There’s still time to join in– check out the VAM Facebook page here.

*Full disclosure: My angle = alchemy. So yeah, they pretty much have to appreciate that. Awesome!

7 Responses to “Vampire Awareness Commentary Part 4”

  1. Mark Deniz August 2, 2010 at 8:12 am #

    Well you mentioned the old tedium bit in ‘Interview with the Vampire’ – god I hate that film, it’s so bloody tedious, I really don’t like it at all.

    Closed my eyes whilst reading about ‘Shadow of the Vampire’, as I haven’t seen it yet – I probably agree though…

  2. Cate Gardner August 2, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

    Can Liam and Gianna review other films too please… I don’t want them to leave us when Vampire month is through.

    I loved Shadow of the Vampire, and back in the 90s I was a mega Anne Rice fan (this comment will self destruct after you’ve read it – I hope).

  3. jamie August 2, 2010 at 3:36 pm #

    Shadow looks like fun. (This is what happens when you don’t watch a lot of movies other than cartoons.)

  4. Danielle Ferries August 2, 2010 at 8:23 pm #

    I agree with Cate. I don’t want them to go when Vampire month finishes. There’s so much more out there for them to discover.

  5. KVTaylor August 4, 2010 at 11:21 pm #

    Mark, I thought it was cool when I was a kid, but now that I’m a grown-up (er, sorta) I so agree with G up there.

    But yeah, I think we’ll agree on “Shadow”. And agree with them. For once, my head people are agreeing with me! Wooo!

    Cate, please don’t tempt G to talk more about his opinions. I’ll never get him turned off. (No, seriously, I’m glad it entertains– I knew it’d be more entertaining than my views, but that isn’t saying much.)

    I liked her back in the day too. Self-destructing in 5, 4, 3, 2…

    Jamie, yeah, I’ll bet! Well I can recommend it, particularly if you liked Nosferatu.

    Danielle, oh yes, they do like movies, too. Liam regularly tries to indoctrinate his snotty companion in the ways of sci-fi, too…

    Thank you!

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    […] Part 4: Cronos, Interview with the Vampire, Shadow of the Vampire […]

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