A Rant-Free Bisexual Post

23 Sep

I just did a huge bisexuality rant last month, so I’ll spare y’all right now. If anyone has any interest in said rants, they are conveniently grouped under the bisexuality tag. But today is Celebrate Bisexuality Day. Yay!

It’s been a weird year for LGBTQ types, I think we can all agree. From the frenzy over Dan Savage being all dismissive to the latest YA “make your characters straight and we’ll talk” nonsense… oh yeah, and the DADT repeal. Holy fuck. (Not to be a killjoy, because it’s awesome, but please let us remember that trans service-folk are still in the shit. This repeal is a step, not the end result.)

Anyhow, there’s a good rundown at the Bi Social Network, so I’ll just link there.

Now to get personal on you.

I kind of get the bi hate. I mean, I don’t get it as in feel it, obviously, but I see where it comes from. The fact is that we can pass sometimes — I pass every day. It’s not something I’m doing intentionally, I’m not trying to hide anything. But I’m walking down the street holding a dude’s hand and no one looks twice at me.

Well, they do, depending on where I am, because dude is brown. But not here in DC, and anyhow, that’s a completely separate issue.

That’s straight privilege on a very simple level, right there. There are so many other ways I feel the privilege, though. No one questions the legality of my tax return, no one argues when I go in the Indian line at customs in Chennai with Balaji, getting his US citizenship sorted was relatively simple — and that’s huge because it pretty much ensures we won’t suffer deportation issues. I didn’t realize what a weight off it would be until he got that passport and I just deflated.

So I get it. I get the bitterness, and I get the urge to take it out on people like me — not just people attracted to men and women (and therefore who supposedly have the choice to “pass” — again, separate issue, because like anyone ever had a choice about who they fall for…). But especially on people who end up in opposite sex relationships. I ain’t saying it’s right, cuz it’s both fucked up and infurating. I’m just saying that, as someone with a temper from hell, I understand the urge.

So this year, I’m going to make it a point to be more visible. My fiction, this blog, all that stuff, it’s totally visible — but I’ve talked all that into the ground. (Again, see the bisexuality tag.) I mean personally. It’s a weird thing for me because it’s deeply dyed in my wool that sex, family, and money are personal matters that ought to be safeguarded. Not just to spare others the discomfort, but because they’re mine, and no one else gets to have them. It’s no one’s goddamn business who I screw, want to screw, or screwed in the past. I’ll always believe that. And hell, nothing makes me more uncomfortable than being watched or looked at. I surround myself with people louder, smarter, and prettier than me just to avoid it.

But it’s not like I have to get into stuff that makes me uncomfortable just to be visible, and I was also raised to believe in Put Up or Shut Up. So bring on the rainbow-colored West Virignia shirt (I’ll do a picture on SCRIPPED release day — it’s the best shirt ever!) and bisexual visibility bracelets. Fuck, I might even buy a flag for the window or — gasp! — a bumper sticker for my truck. (Yeah, I don’t do bumper stickers, it’s true.)

You guys think of anything else I can do without looking like I’m actually going the opposite way (as in trying to get attention), let me know. I’m open to suggestion.

Food for thought: a bunch of biphobic quotes from around the world. Next time you hear someone say something like this, do me a favor and at least give ‘em a dirty look, please.

8 Responses to “A Rant-Free Bisexual Post”

  1. Cate Gardner September 24, 2011 at 3:05 am #

    I can honestly say I’ve never been around any idiots who’ve said any of those quotes on the linkage page. Though, I’m sure I’ve been around prejudice and idiots. In fact, I know I have and they always gain the benefit of my glare and some harsh words too.

    That’s great about Balaji’s citizenship. My nephew’s only just hitting the end of year one of his marriage and I think they have another 4 years until his wife gets full citizenship. Scary.

    • Katey September 27, 2011 at 4:13 pm #

      It took us almost exactly the same amount of time here, Cate. He got the temporary green card, then the slightly more stable renewable thing, then we applied for citizenship. Once he got that interview, things went in a whirlwind — they swore him in the same day as his interview because they happened to be doing a ceremony later in the afternoon. He went there for an interview and came out with a citizenship certificate. Glad I went with him just as moral support!

      And I thank you for the addition of the harsh words. I didn’t want to presume by requesting them, so I went with the bare minimum of the dirty look :D

  2. It B Me. September 25, 2011 at 2:52 pm #

    Yay for Balaji! And wow, my head has been so deep in revisions, I had no IDEA all that talk was going on around the YA water coolers. I didn’t even catch scent of it until Kman blogged about it the other day.

    Sheesh. Sometimes I get so deep in my writing shell I forget the world outside.

    But now that I’m resurfacing, wow. Be true to you. Even if it makes someone else uncomfortable. It’s not their life. It’s yours. And you only got one to live. :)

    Make sure you post that book signing pick in all your rainbow glory!

    • Katey September 27, 2011 at 4:14 pm #

      I do the EXACT same thing while buried in revisions. Or writing something. God, while I’m puking up that draft, the world might as well cease to exist.

      I shall provide the rainbow glory of WV. Oh yes. Ohhhhh yes. :D <3 for the support!

  3. Danielle Ferries September 26, 2011 at 7:46 pm #

    Tis very good news about your husband’s citizenship :)

    And I agree, the feeling of being watched or looked at is utterly horrifying. But then as a writer and an introvert I am perfectly happy to observe others – in fact I’m known to stare to the point of rudeness.

    • Katey September 27, 2011 at 4:15 pm #

      Yeah I feel the exact same. I don’t stare, though — I often tell Balaji to stop staring because he does it in a creepy way. (Indians don’t have that same “no staring” policy. At all. Ever.) Ha!

  4. Meghan September 27, 2011 at 3:37 am #

    it’s deeply dyed in my wool that sex, family, and money are personal matters that ought to be safeguarded. Not just to spare others the discomfort, but because they’re mine, and no one else gets to have them.

    This. Totally.

    And yeah, there’s bisexuality all over my books… but there’s always that feeling that one ought to do more, isn’t there?

    And really, why should one have to choose between Sandra Bullock and Nathan Fillion? Like there’s a limit on hotness, right?

    • Katey September 27, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

      Yeah, I hate feeling like I “ought to” do anything — as you know too well. But in this case I think it is actually important, and so I’m going to put in the effort. Especially if I’m going to talk about it, which is another thing I feel I ought to do… but because I decided it, not because someone else pointed it out.

      And yes. Sandra Bullock and Nathan Fillion. All. Day.


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